Want your child to spend less time on their phone, tablet or gaming device? Start by downsizing your own digital consumption. According to a study published in 2024, one of the strongest predictors of a child's screen time is a parent's screen time.
"If you don't want your teens to be looking at their phones at the dinner table, you should not be taking out your phone at the dinner table either," says psychologist Jean Twenge, author of the book 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World, published in September.
It can be a challenge for parents to limit their own screen time when so much of the work it takes to manage the household — like ordering groceries or booking doctor's appointments — happens online, says Elizabeth Milovidov, a digital parenting coach. But by practicing moderation, parents can model smart technology habits for their kids.
The hope is that the time freed up from being offline can help you nurture your family's connection to each other, Twenge says — and foster healthier habits, "whether that's getting sleep, getting together with friends in person, exercising or reading."
Here's how parents can strive for balance with their own screen time.
Ask yourself if the response can wait.
It's hard to tear away from our devices when we're inundated with seemingly pressing requests: time-sensitive emails, messages from the big boss, calls from faraway family or the doctor's office.
If you're with your family, say, at a baseball game or a birthday party, and would prefer to be off your device, do a quick reality check, Milovidov says. Ask yourself: "Is this necessary right now? Is this urgent?" If not, save the to-do to tackle at another time.
If you have to "phub" your child, explain why.
There's a term for when we turn our attention away from others to focus on our devices: phubbing, or phone snubbing. And it doesn't feel good to anyone.
"When you're talking to someone and take that phone out, the message to the other person is, 'You are not as important as what's on this phone,' " says Twenge. "That's tough for a child because they want their parents' full attention."
Recent research suggests the effects of phubbing could be particularly problematic for young children and adolescents. It's been associated with lower levels of emotional intelligence in small children, for example, and can make both parent and child feel less connected to one another.
If you have to use technology in front of your kids, Twenge says narrating what you're doing and why you're doing it can help ease any confusion or hurt feelings.
For example, if you need to respond to an email during breakfast, you might briefly show your son your phone, explain to him who you're writing to and let him know you'll be right back to eggs with the family when you're done. You can also counterbalance that screen time by dedicating play time together in the afternoon.
Make sure the time you're spending on your device is actually useful.
Evaluate how you spend time on your devices, Milovidov says. Is your screen time affecting your physical health or sleep? Your ability to connect with family and friends? How does it make you feel?
Focus less on assessing the quantity of your screen time, but the quality. Maybe your weekly FaceTime date with your cousin overseas is a source of delight, but you notice a link between your true crime binge and your bad week of sleep. Or you've been staying up later since reactivating your Instagram account.
Once you've made these observations, identify how you can make healthier tweaks to your own screen time. Perhaps you save the true crime podcasts for your morning commute (when they are less likely to haunt your dreams) or get an app to limit how much time you're spending on social media.
Keep devices outside the bedroom.
Research has shown that just having your phone or computer near your bed — even in airplane mode — can cause lower-quality sleep, says Twenge. When your device is nearby, it's easier to pick up. The content can keep you alert and scrolling. And the light from screens can affect your circadian rhythm, disrupting your sleep.
Kids are vulnerable to this temptation too. A 2023 research report from Common Sense Media found that 60% of 11-to-17-year-olds used their phone between midnight and 5 a.m. on school nights.
You might already be enforcing this rule on your children, but set a good example by keeping phones, tablets and laptops away from your bedroom too. Store them in a family charging station in a communal area like the kitchen or living room, or place them in a timed lockbox, Twenge says.
Create device-free zones in your home and schedule.
Designate a specific function and location for your digital devices, Milovidov says. For example, your computer could stay at your desk and be used for work. Your tablet can stay in a quiet corner of the living room and be used for reading or streaming movies and TV shows.
This makes it easier to create device-free zones in your home, she says. Otherwise, "our whole house becomes this screen-accessible place."
Apply this strategy to your calendar too, she says. Many parents ban devices during mealtime or in any situation that could be a safety hazard, like driving or bath time. But you can also implement this rule during movie night, vacations or any moment you want to encourage your family to focus on each other.
Be kind to yourself.
You don't have to swear off all of the internet or even feel bad about your screen time to be a good digital guardian for your children, Milovidov says. It's a tough job with no set blueprint.
So when you feel you've made a misstep, "realize you can get back on track," she says. "Give yourself some empathy."
The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib, with art direction by Beck Harlan. We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
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